Understanding Fear, Part 3: The Benefits of Intuition, Safety Planning, and Situational Awareness

Fear is one of the most powerful personal safety tools we have, because it’s often the first hint that something is off. In this episode, we sit down with expert and author Laura Frombach to talk about fear as useful data, not drama. We break down the difference between being afraid and being aware, and we share a simple, practical approach to situational awareness using the military-style color codes (green, yellow, orange, red). The goal is not to live in panic, but to stay calm, notice sooner, and act earlier when something feels wrong. From Laura we also learn:

• How offenders test boundaries.
• How women are socialized to “keep the peace,” and why that conditioning can be dangerous in real time. 
• How intuition is your nervous system's “hardware,” and how social rules can act like “software malware” that teaches you to talk yourself out of your own instincts. 
• Practical safety planning ideas, boundary-setting scripts, and a reminder to look out for others when we can.

We also name a truth we never want to lose sight of: people can do everything right and still be harmed, and responsibility always belongs to the perpetrator, not the victim. 

Transcript

Fear As A Safety Signal

SPEAKER_00 0:00

As we continue our exploration of fear, today we take a deeper dive into personal safety, exploring how fear is not just a feeling to suppress, but a valuable tool for awareness and protection. Expert and author Lara Frombach leads us in a discussion that will challenge common narratives about fear and offer practical insights for recognizing risk and empowering yourself in everyday situations. I'm Maria McMullen, and this is Genesis the Podcast. Lara, welcome back to the podcast. Thanks, Maria.

SPEAKER_01 0:34

I'm thrilled to be here.

SPEAKER_00 0:35

I always learned so much from you, and I can't wait to hear all of your perspectives about fear. And in some ways, we have touched on this multiple times over the years in our conversations about personal safety and about street smart safety, which is a book that you co-authored with Joy Farrow, right? That's correct. So let's talk about fear because we're conducting a series here on Genesis the podcast. And in the first part, we talked about neuroscience and how fear affects your brain, what actually happens in the brain when you feel afraid, what are those chemical responses, what parts of the brain light up when you are experiencing fear and the effects of fear on the body, how it makes you feel. Some people get cold and clammy, some people have the chills, some people the hair stands up on the back of their neck, and so on. We also talked about responses to fear specifically within the context of domestic violence, and that might include the classic fight, flight, freeze, fawn. And there's also lots of other responses too. And we handled, we covered that in a separate episode. But now I want to talk about what it feels like when we experience fear and how we can actually work through that fear to protect ourselves, to prepare for a different situation in the future, and to understand that what you and I have talked about as the early warning system, that hardwired system that we have that protects us.

Fear Versus Awareness

SPEAKER_00 2:10

So to get started, when people hear the word fear, I believe they often think of that as a weakness. How should we actually understand fear in the context of personal safety?

SPEAKER_01 2:24

I think people associate fear with weakness because we automatically go to the red zone. We automatically, I believe, feel that overwhelm that is associated with the red zone almost as though a situation, an attack is going to incur eminently. So we don't even want to get close to that, almost like a hot stove. But I think it's more, it's helpful. It's more empowering to consider fear as data, to consider fear as our friend. And instead of backing away from it, really to listen to what it's telling us. I also believe that as women, we're taught to suppress fear. Our socialization tells us that we don't want to be impolite, we don't want to hurt people's feelings. And we've also been told that we overreact. But at the end of the day, if we push that conditioning aside and really look at our fear as our nervous system alerting us to potential danger, then I think we can get past that. It's a weakness when it is really our natural hardwareing as mammals.

SPEAKER_00 3:42

Yeah, that's an excellent point because that hardwired system, that early warning system, is telling us something might happen. We sense something, it's an intuition. It creates an awareness for us, right? So let's talk about the difference between being afraid and being aware.

SPEAKER_01 4:03

Awareness is a choice. It's a conscious choice to pay attention to our instincts. And being afraid, I think, is when we go into that red zone. But there is actually a vast on-ramp of sensations, of levels of awareness before we get into that red zone and before we get into overwhelm. We're going to talk about those different levels of awareness and how embracing that or being comfortable with it and training for it can actually bring our fear down to something that we can manage and that we're not overwhelmed by.

SPEAKER_00 4:48

That's also really important for us to understand that this is kind of a spectrum. So there are different levels of feeling afraid or experiencing fear. You touched on something that I wanted to ask you about, and that is society's messaging, especially to women, about being polite and being compliant. And so we often, as women, might feel fear, but we are compelled to remain polite or remain compliant because that is how we are supposed to respond. So I'll give you an example, such as as a woman, a man might be approaching me and he may be talking to me and he's a stranger to me, right? And I feel uncomfortable, but I don't want to be rude and not respond. Actually, I do. I mean, that's not really me. I would just keep walking. But that is how women are actually trained to respond. Someone speaks to you, you reply politely back to them, and that's the way that society works. We don't have to do that, right? Especially if we feel afraid.

SPEAKER_01 6:01

Just the other day, I was taking a walk in the morning, and I saw a gentleman walking to my left, and I knew that if he continued, we were going to be walking in the same direction. And I had my dog with me. Now I had a baseball hat and sunglasses on, and so did the gentleman. So I walked along and my dog was with me, and my dog turned her head, so I knew he was behind me. So I just crossed the street and kept on going. But turned out I actually knew him. He's my neighbor. He said to me later, Do you have a black and white dog? And I said, Yes. He said, Well, I saw you the other day. And when you noticed I was behind you, you crossed the street. And so he just said that to me. And what was interesting for me to note is even after all my work and even after my own training, my first instinct was to apologize to him because I might have hurt his feelings by crossing the street. But I interrupted my own behavior and I said, no, that's what I do. And we kept on going and had a friendly conversation. But women have this track running in the background for us to, as you mentioned, first of all, that we have to be polite at all costs. And secondly, we're told that we overreact. So when we get into a potentially dangerous situation, we're running all of these calculations in our mind. Am I going to be rude? Am I overreacting? I don't want to overreact. And at the same time, a threat may be developing right in front of us. So while we're running all of these calculations, our window to act and keep ourselves safe may be getting smaller in real time.

SPEAKER_00 7:52

I love that idea. And I also love that you didn't apologize, that you just told your neighbor, this is what I do. I think it's just so easy for us to say I'm sorry for lots of things that don't require an apology, like being late because there was a lot of traffic. I mean, come on. You don't have to be sorry. I like the response on that one. Thank you for waiting for me. Because what can you do, right? But I also overly courteous. Overly courteous, yes. Compensating for other people's lack of politeness. I do think that I would have also crossed the street if I heard someone walking behind me, especially if I wasn't walking with my dog, simply because that's just like safety 101 for me is get out of the way, don't get involved.

Politeness Conditioning And Real Risk

SPEAKER_00 8:43

But to those points, because what you're really talking a little bit about is situational awareness, right? Knowing what's going on around you at all times, but especially when you're out and about, when you're out of your house and you know you may be in a different environment. So let's talk about what we mean by situational awareness and why it is one of the most important safety tools people have.

SPEAKER_01 9:06

We

Situational Awareness Color Codes

SPEAKER_01 9:07

consider situational awareness similar to defensive driving. People, again, they think of situational awareness and they have that feeling of overwhelm that sort of comes over them. So they think, well, if I just don't think about it, I'm going to be okay. What we practice ourselves is similar to the military color code. And it goes like this green means that you are confirmed safe. For me, it's in my home. The windows are locked, the doors are locked, et cetera, et cetera. As soon as I walk into the world, it's similar to me getting into my car. I have a heightened level of awareness. Now I'm not afraid. When I pull out of my driveway, I'm not afraid. When I pull into traffic, I'm not afraid because I have a driving skill. I have a driving awareness. So I am aware when I walk outside, walking down the street, I have that situational awareness. It's just a heightened level of awareness, that decision that I'm going to be aware of my surroundings. And if there's somebody behind me, I'm merely going to cross the street. What we're looking for is our earliest and best opportunity to get a positive outcome if there is a situation. And the earlier we take action, the better. So as soon as I saw the gentleman behind me, I went into from yellow to orange because I saw, I was aware, I saw somebody. So I went into orange and I took action. I avoided him. I didn't know that I knew him. All I knew is he was a large gentleman. He was behind me and I didn't recognize him. So again, I did not go into panic. So that's similar when we're driving to, oh, a car pulled out in front of me. I'm either going to stop or I'm going to avoid him. Again, we have not gotten into that feeling of fear. Then, when danger is imminent, then we go into code red. And that's similar to in traffic or while we're driving, there's an unavoidable situation and we can't control it. Now we're in code red. So there are a lot of opportunities for us to change the outcome before we get to code red. And so that's what we think of as situational awareness in those different levels.

SPEAKER_00 11:32

So just

Military Training And Threat Objectives

SPEAKER_00 11:33

by way of explanation for listeners, because I didn't read a bio for Laura in this in the opening of this episode, you are former military. I am. A lot of the references that we've talked about over the years in our time together, and then again, just in the beginnings of this episode today, have some military connotations. Tell us a little bit about your military background so people have an idea of who you are.

SPEAKER_01 11:59

I joined the Army to get a college education because I came from a background that did not support that. And I was in the Army for three years and I actually worked on Pershing nuclear missiles. So I went through basic training. We went through a lot of the training that the men did, and including the arms training and the physical training. And then I went on to learn technology and electronics through the Pershing missile system.

SPEAKER_00 12:28

Yeah, that is so fascinating to me. And you have, in previous conversations on topics very similar to what we're discussing today, come up with an analogy that I think was also in your book, Street Smart Safety, and maybe on your website, that talks about how we have a hardware and a software. And we're going to talk a little bit about how that all works too, because that's part of the process of understanding intuition, right? Which is a big part of sensing fear in the human body. Let's look at the context now of gender-based violence and fear. Okay. In the example you gave, your neighbor was walking behind you. He meant you no harm. In fact, he didn't even say anything to you, right? When you crossed the street. Clearly, he was, you go your way, I go my way, and everybody's out for a nice, lovely walk. Offenders have different objectives. People who do not have our best interest at heart have things that they do want to do and that they want to make us feel afraid. So let's talk about the difference here. So, how do offenders test boundaries before they even escalate harm? Offenders look for boundary testing.

SPEAKER_01 13:45

They look for people who will not create a scene, who will not do anything to keep the peace. And I've experienced that, as I'm sure every woman has throughout the years. It could be an inappropriate comment, it could be just a light touch, it could be a joke. They want to see what's going to happen when they cross those boundaries and what we're going to do. And so that's why it's so important when that boundary crossing occurs, which is difficult for women because we don't want to overreact and we want to keep the peace and not be polite, when that boundary crossing occurs, to stop it right there. Because if they believe that they can go further, then they will.

SPEAKER_00 15:55

Yeah,

Boundary Testing Before Harm

SPEAKER_00 15:56

absolutely. Let's talk a little bit about distractions. Okay. There's a lot of multitasking going on in today's society. We're on the phone, we're watching a video while we're walking across the street, while we're in the grocery store, not paying attention to anything that's going on around us. We're wearing earbuds, listening to a podcast. Hopefully, it's this one that people are listening to. Does this make us more vulnerable?

SPEAKER_01 16:24

It does, because keep in mind what I said about the cover codes. So what we want to do is keep our window of opportunity open so that we can respond or react if something does occur. When we're distracted, when the phone is up and our head is down and the earbuds are in, our window of opportunity to respond or react is greatly reduced. So if a predator does pounce, let's say, and we have our phone up, and perhaps we could have done something earlier on in the Had we heard it or seen it coming. Then we could have responded, right? But when we're distracted, again, that window is very small.

SPEAKER_00 17:11

So I'm just curious, and maybe you don't know the answer to this, but having earbuds in and looking at my phone while I'm in a public space, which may be a yellow area just in general, does that impact my ability to detect any type of threat?

SPEAKER_01 17:32

I would say yes. One of the things we can do from a technical perspective is wear our earphones in transparency mode. So oftentimes we use our earphones or earbuds to block out the world, but we have the ability to also listen to our podcast and also listen to the world around us. What I do is if I'm on public transportation or something, I try to minimize my focus into my phone. But it's definitely a situation with the immense amount of technology that we have today and the interesting things that we can see to immerse ourselves in to basically distract ourselves from our environment, which we do intentionally.

SPEAKER_00 18:20

Yeah, absolutely.

Distraction And Shrinking Reaction Time

SPEAKER_00 18:21

Let's talk about intuition a little bit, because I think that's a big part of sensing fear. It's the gut feeling that that's what some people call it. I had this gut feeling, but intuition is real, and people often sense things and then talk themselves out of it. Oh, I'm being silly, I'm overreacting, as we said before. What role does intuition really play in really sensing fear from the beginning?

SPEAKER_01 18:47

Our intuition is merely our nervous system, which has been our early warning system since our ancestors were on the savannah. What we run into in our modern society is that, again, women are conditioned to be polite and to suppress some response that we might have. Our ancestors did not face that. Our ancestors, when they encountered a saber-toothed tiger, they knew what to do. They need to either attack or run. Today, we have all those calculations going on that interfere with our intuition, that really send up a static noise so that while we're running all those calculations and responding to the threat in real time, our intuition has been trying to tell us that there is something going on, but we're busy trying to suppress it. It's like being in watching a scary movie, and the audience is yelling, the call's coming from inside the house, and you know, the person ignores it.

SPEAKER_00 19:55

Yeah, you do need to listen to that little voice when it's talking to you, right? Sometimes it just could be the one thing that saves you. I want people to understand the other way that you explain intuition, and that was the hardware versus software. Tell

Intuition As Hardware Not Hysteria

SPEAKER_00 20:10

us about that theory.

SPEAKER_01 20:12

Your intuition is your hardware. It's your nervous system, it's your bodily responses to threats. We look at our socialization of women, our encouragement to be polite and to spare other people's feelings, almost like a software malware that's been installed on us. And what we highly encourage our audiences to do is to use their intuition, to use their situational awareness almost to debug that software so that we can get that clear signal from our hardware that can help us respond earlier.

SPEAKER_00 20:55

Yeah, I love that analogy because it just makes so much sense to me, right? And it's clearly it's technical. It also is something that I think we can condition out of ourselves, as you suggest. We don't have to respond the way that society has taught us, especially when we feel like that would be a bad thing for us or it would be a threat to us.

SPEAKER_01 21:18

While we're at it, I would like to add something else to make sure that I don't forget. It is so important to realize that we can do everything right. We can go through the color codes, we can be responsive to our situational awareness, and something still may happen. We can do everything right, and something still might happen. It is so important to realize that no matter what, you can do everything right and still be a survivor. I think that's so important to drive that point home.

SPEAKER_00 21:52

I'm so

Survivor Truth And Ending Victim Blame

SPEAKER_00 21:53

glad that you said that because I really wanted to talk with you about that very thing about victim blaming and blaming yourself for. Being the victim of something. So let's talk about personal safety without implying that harm is the victim's fault.

SPEAKER_01 22:08

Well, we live in a victim-blaming society. If something happens, whether it's stranger danger or it's something to do with domestic abuse, somehow we have programmed ourselves as a society that it's the victim's fault. She must have done something. She must have whatever, the whole litany of things that we discussed, that it's somehow the victim's fault. And at the end of the day, the fault of any situation that involves anyone's safety is always on the shoulders. It's always on the responsibility of the perpetrator.

SPEAKER_00 22:51

100%. I wish we could say that over and over again. In fact, that could be the title of this episode. It's never the technology that's the problem. It's never the location or what she was wearing. It's the abuse. It's the crime that's the problem. That's the thing that needs to stop. We say that at Genesis. We say it at the Conference on Crimes Against Women. We talk about it on this podcast all the time.

Safety Planning Tools And Practice

SPEAKER_00 23:15

So let's talk about then safety planning. Because we can do some safety planning. We can prepare ourselves. We've talked a little bit about it. Maybe put the earbuds in transparent mode. That's actually a really great idea. What can we do to have our own personal safety plan?

SPEAKER_01 23:34

We highly encourage carrying defensive tools. Now, to get back to my story about my neighbor who was walking behind me. So I did take evasive action across the street, but I also had a can of pepper spray in my pocket. And so for safety planning, we do encourage defensive tools. Pepper spray is a good one. You want to keep the person far enough away from you. We also carry tactical pens. So tactical pens are hardened pens that are real pens, but can also be used for self-defense. We also carry alarms. I'm not sure those are not defensive. They're more of an alert situation. We also take preparations when we travel. So we do all of that safety planning. But again, we don't live in the red zone. We are confident, we're calm, we're aware, and we know that if something comes up because of our awareness and our education and our tools, it's more than likely that we could handle it, that I could handle it on my own.

SPEAKER_00 24:41

Yeah, I would also add to that, maybe safety planning could look like traveling in pairs, traveling with a group. If you're going for a walk, maybe go with a neighbor who or any friend, right? Or family member who you're comfortable with to go for that walk. There are lots of things we can do that would set us up for success. Still, again, this is not victim blaming, right? It's just what safety planning and the ideas that we can do things to put ourselves in, maybe staying in the yellow or green zone all of the time, right? At least we could feel more comfortable that way. I guess one of the main things would be to always be prepared and aware of your surroundings. And also, if the time comes, know how you might want to respond. You can do some scenarios or role-playing with friends to try to talk about these types of things. What would I do if I was being followed by someone? That's always an option, right?

SPEAKER_01 25:46

I think what that gives me is that safety planning and preparedness gives me a feeling of confidence. So that I'm not living in the red zone. So, as we started talking about, that I don't automatically go to panicking and feeling that I don't know what to do. I do know what to do. And I'll tell you another quick story about safety planning is when I am out and about, I often carry bear spray. So bear spray shoots 40 feet, it's a pepper spray. And I've had occasion to use it on a dog that was attacking me. Oh, gosh. Now I had already practiced, like you said. So I did my planning. I did my practice with the bear spray. Uh I was walking my dog, a large dog was approaching, at a dead run, I might add, growling. So it was clearly in attack mode. And I didn't even think because I had trained, I didn't panic. I had the bear spray with me. I pulled off the cap and I deployed the bear spray. The dog stopped and then it charged again. And so I sprayed it again and was able to cut off the attack because then the dog just went and wiped its face on the lawn. But that dog in other situations could have been a person. But I did not even think, I did not panic. I had practiced and I knew what to do. So again, that planning, that preparation, that awareness, it gives me a feeling of confidence. To be clear, I don't think I can take on the world. I am not going to go into unsafe situations because I have a feeling of confidence. I am still very aware, very responsive, but it allows me to move through the world with a feeling of confidence and not having that feeling of overwhelm.

SPEAKER_00 27:36

Well, now I know why your book was called Street Smart Safety, because you had some really good Street Smarts, right? I never thought about it. That's a really good experience. Yeah, I mean, you've got it. I also want to make mention of we're talking about fear, obviously, and safety, but fear is not really always a bad thing. I can feel afraid if I'm being rushed by a dog that's growling at me. Sure, I'm gonna, I'm gonna be afraid. In fact, I've had that very same experience. And I didn't have any bear spray, but my dad did come and rescue me. But when we feel afraid, as we said in the beginning of this episode, that is our brain and our body telling us that something is not right, that it may be a threat to us. And that's an important emotion. So while we don't want to be afraid or scared, it's important for us to have that emotion in order to survive and to protect ourselves.

SPEAKER_01 28:38

Because to expand on that a little, I think that we're afraid of fear. And as you mentioned earlier on, that we consider it a weakness. And it's not a weakness, it's actually an asset. It's our body letting us know because we're mammals, because we're basically animals, and we have those animal instincts. And so when I feel a little tickle of fear, I feel it in my hands. My hands just feel weird. Some people in the back of their neck and some people in the pit of their stomach, I feel it in my hands. When I feel that, I know that my body, that my senses, that my unconscious is trying to protect me. So to expand on that a little, our unconscious runs at, it's been estimated, 11 million bits per second. Our conscious mind can only manage 40 bits per second. So consider all of the information our unconscious is taking in from our five senses, trying to filter it through this tiny little pipe of our consciousness. And maybe that's where that feeling of overwhelm comes when that window closes. But that it's fear is actually our instincts working as designed. Nothing's broken. It's actually working the way that uh we've been engineered, that our mammals have been engineered.

SPEAKER_00 30:00

Fear is actually a brief experience, right? For some people, I guess if you're in a post-traumatic stress situation, you may be more fearful than others on a regular basis. But what we're talking about are those experiences when you may be approached by a predator or an abusive partner is making you feel afraid. And those are brief experiences. And then everything else happens after that. Whether you respond to it, you flee from it, or what have you. Those are the responses to it. So fear is actually a less of the experience than everything else that happens after it, right?

SPEAKER_01 30:42

So also consider.

Trauma Effects On Memory And Reporting

SPEAKER_01 30:44

So you mentioned trauma and PTSD. So what I think is important to mention here is what that trauma does to our brain. And so in those situations, and again, we're talking about those small, those, not small, those brief periods of fear, not complex PTSD, where it goes on for a chronic extended period of time as it does in many abusive situations. But our brain actually can go, our prefrontal cortex actually can go partially offline. So when a survivor tries to describe to law enforcement or to prosecutors what happens, oftentimes it comes back fragmented because of what that fear and that trauma can do to our brain. So I think it's important to recognize that and to not expect survivors after they have been through even that brief amount, that brief period of time where their brain's gone offline, to expect them to just sit there and matter of fact testify to everything that happened as though they were just sitting there watching television and a bus went by.

SPEAKER_00 31:58

Yeah, that is a very important distinction because people who have experienced trauma cannot, and I mean this, cannot recall specific details of a traumatic event in the immediate aftermath. And a lot of training has gone out about for law enforcement who respond to these calls, like domestic violence calls, where maybe she experienced uh non fatal strangulation and the police have come to the house, and that is deprivation uh of oxygen to the brain. And no one can think clearly after having an experience like that, and there needs to be a space of time where she can fully understand what did happen to her and then be able to talk it over with law enforcement and others.

SPEAKER_01 32:52

So I think it's so important for all of us as a community to understand that. And so if somebody has survived a situation, whether it's an abusive relationship or an attack, is to understand that that person is not going to be themselves. They're not going to be able to go back to life the way that it is. And that's why we think it is so important to have compassion and to really to hold space or ask what we can do. And that person might not even know what we can do, but just to be there with them and sit there with them, I just think is so important.

SPEAKER_00 33:35

I kind of got off topic a little bit, but No, I really appreciate that you said that because that is one of the core beliefs at Genesis is that we do have to make space for people and that when the time is right for the survivor, they will be able to voice their experience when they are ready. Survivors are the experts. And I'm mostly referring to the people and clients that we work with at Genesis, which are domestic violence survivors, but there are lots of other types of survivors as well who have had traumatic experiences. And we need to respect that that maybe they don't want to talk about it, maybe they don't know how to talk about it, can't find the language or the words for it yet. I think we skipped over a part that I want to come back to real

Boundaries As Self Defense

SPEAKER_00 34:23

quick. We talked just maybe a tiny bit about boundaries, but I'd like to give people those tools as well. Let's talk about how boundaries function as a form of self-defense and how we can set them for ourselves and enforce them.

SPEAKER_01 34:44

Boundaries are what we tell people about how we want to be treated. And we talked earlier about how predators test boundaries. It could be with a touch or an inappropriate comment, et cetera. And how people respond to those boundaries tells you everything. So we set a boundary, perhaps in a professional setting or whatever, the boss makes an inappropriate comment on a first date. If you say you have to go home because you have to study or go to work the next morning, and that person doesn't accept your boundary and wants to force you to continue, how people respond to your boundaries tells you everything you need to know about them. And we think that the most important thing you can do is act immediately and act accordingly. And I think that's also maybe a road that some women have to travel because they don't realize that they can set boundaries because of our socialization. But we can all set boundaries, and at the end of the day, we all deserve to be treated with respect. And that respect includes people honoring what you say and how you want to be treated, and that what you say you mean.

SPEAKER_00 36:04

Yeah, and I've said this so much lately, both on the podcast and just in the work that I do at Genesis. It's okay not to be nice, to not to sound polite, especially when you feel your safety may be in jeopardy. If someone wants to sit next to you on the bus and you're not comfortable with that, get up and move. Or I mean, you can't really, I guess, tell someone they can't sit there, right? But as much as you might like to. As much as you might like to. But you can get up and move, and it's not rude. It's uh your choice. If someone is following too close behind you uh when you're walking in a shopping mall, let's say, and you want to get out of the way or you want to tell them to beat it or whatever, that's okay to do too. I think what I would love for people to take away here is uh the idea that you can advocate for yourself and you can speak up for yourself. And if a stranger or even an acquaintance or a friend believe that you are rude, but it made you feel safer, but it made you feel safer, then that was the right thing to do.

SPEAKER_01 37:21

It is the right thing to do. And I think that women standing up and doing this, standing up and talking about it, gives others the power to stand up and talk about it as well. We have heard so many stories of people who are just waiting for permission. Well, you know what? You consider this your permission card to just go ahead and do it. And a part, again, of our socialization as women is that we wait for permission. Don't wait for permission. Advocate for yourself, and when you can, advocate for others as well.

SPEAKER_00 37:55

I love that you said that, and I completely agree with that. Let's

Permission To Prioritize Your Safety

SPEAKER_00 37:58

give people a few more takeaways before we have to go. If listeners remember one thing about fear and personal safety from our conversation, what should it be?

SPEAKER_01 38:08

It's to remember that fear is normal, it's natural, and it empowers you. The problem comes in for women is when we try to suppress our fear in the interest of pleasing other people.

SPEAKER_00 38:24

That's good advice. How do you think that people can honor their fear without letting it control their lives?

SPEAKER_01 38:35

We say respect fear because we've been taught that fear is weakness and fear is not weakness. And in our experience, when we talk to women, we talk to audiences, and we lead with empowerment, we lead with the fact that honoring yourself, respecting yourself is empowering. It's your right as a person, that that fear or that overwhelm actually seems to fade away. That when they have again been given permission, that they will honor that and respect that instinct in themselves and begin to embrace it because it is yours and it belongs to us. And nobody should take that away from you, no matter how polite you want to be.

SPEAKER_00 39:26

I couldn't agree more. You have a right to feel safe. You have a right to personal safety, and your personal safety should be your priority first and foremost, because no one else is going to look after you the way that you look after you.

SPEAKER_01 39:44

No one. We can look after each other and we encourage people to look after each other. But at the end of the day, no one can look after us the way that we can. And quite truthfully, nor should they, because they're looking after themselves as well.

SPEAKER_00 39:58

Or at least they should be, right? Take care of you, look out for yourself, and always check in on your friends, right? Always check in on your friends.

SPEAKER_01 40:07

Even I'm just gonna add this one more quick thing. What we do is when I'm out and about, I look and see how the women are doing in the parking lot. So there might be a mom taking the baby out. I'll just sit back a little bit, make sure that mom's okay, she's engrossing her baby. So look out for others when you can. And it doesn't cost anything, they don't even have to know about it.

SPEAKER_00 40:31

Yeah, that's true. That's such a good point. And I really hadn't thought about that, but it's not just the earbuds and the phones that are distracting. There are situations that have our full attention, like you just mentioned, putting the baby in the car, taking the baby out of the car. Yeah, moms have lots of distractions in there, just the nature of the work that they do. But I really like that example because that is something that probably has happened or does happen to people listening to this conversation right now on a regular basis. They're very preoccupied with getting seat belts on and car seat safety straps on the baby so the baby is protected. Putting a baby in a stroller, that's another one. Playing at the park with a child, we always want to be present when we're with our children and we're enjoying that experience together. We're not really looking at what's going on around us, and we shouldn't have to be. So I think that's all to say to your point to look out for others as well. So we we have a responsibility for our own safety, and then once we are comfortable with who we are and what how we can respond, I think it's a good idea to just keep eyes on others. And I really liked that you brought up that example.

SPEAKER_01 42:06

We women have to look out for each other.

SPEAKER_00 42:08

Yeah, we're probably all that we have at this point. Laura, it was great to be with you, and thank you. I always learn so much from you. I hope to see you again soon, and please stay safe. Thank you so much, Maria, and you stay safe as well.

SPEAKER_01 42:26

Take care.

Genesis Mission And Helpline

SPEAKER_00 42:27

Genesis Women's Shelter and Support exists to give women in abusive situations a way out. We are committed to our mission of providing safety, shelter, and support for women and children who have experienced domestic violence and to raise awareness regarding its cause, prevalence, and impact. Join us in creating a societal shift on how people think about domestic violence. You can learn more at GenesisShelter.org and when you follow us on social media, on Facebook and Instagram at Genesis Women's Shelter, and on X at Genesis Shelter. The Genesis Helpline is available 24 hours a day, seven days a week, by call or text at 214 946 HELP. 214 946 4357.