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Beyond the Cycle: Evolving Frameworks for Understanding Domestic Abuse

• Genesis Women's Shelter & Support

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Genesis experts Ruth Guerreiro and Jordyn Lawson join the conversation to unpack models that explain domestic violence and provide real, practical solutions for survivors and those who support them. Together we walk through the Cycle of Violence framework as well as the Power and Control Wheel derived from the Duluth Model to understand their origins, purpose, and applications. 

Our discussion also grounds these theories in real-world practice: how survivors can identify escalation cues, why a “violent episode” isn’t limited to physical harm, and the safety planning steps that can reduce risk at each stage—at home, during separation, and long after. We explore the emotional work of healing—naming love bombing, processing betrayal, and rebuilding trust in one’s instincts.

Throughout the conversation, we push past outdated terms to language that validates lived realities and sharpens judgment: manipulative kindness over “honeymoon phase,” impact over intent, control over conflict. Whether you’re a survivor, ally, or professional, you’ll leave with clearer frameworks, practical examples, and a more intentional way to talk about and respond to abuse. 

SPEAKER_01:

The cycle of violence is a foundational model used in understanding patterns of abuse within intimate partner relationships. Today, together with Ruth Guerredo and Jordan Lawson, we'll explore how this model was developed, its practical uses, how it compares to other frameworks in the field of domestic violence, as well as how it and other models are put into practice to support survivors and foster lasting change. I'm Maria McMullen, and this is Genesis, the podcast. Ruth Gareto has been at Genesis since 2011, providing cutting-edge therapeutic services to women and children who have experienced domestic violence. As the chief clinical officer, she supervises and trains mental health counselors as well as occupational therapists across all locations to guarantee that Genesis provides best practice therapies for clients. She seeks out, develops overseas and integrates trauma-informed programs to ensure the organization and staff continue to be thought leaders in the movement to end domestic violence. In addition to providing expert testimony in court on behalf of survivors and presenting at several professional conferences, she has provided individual and group therapy to over 1,000 survivors in English and Spanish. Ruth is a licensed clinical social worker supervisor as well as an EMDR consultant. She received her bachelor's degree in marriage, family, and human development from Brigham Young University and her Master of Social Work from the University of Utah. Jordan Lawson is Chief Residential Officer of Genesis Women's Shelter and Support in Dallas, Texas. She has nearly 20 years of experience working in crisis intervention, counseling and advocacy, and domestic violence services. A key member of the Genesis staff for 13 years, Jordan oversees all staff and programming on the Genesis residential campus, including 24-hour crisis helpline, client intake advocacy, counseling, occupational therapy, and children's program. By making certain that all programs are working together with a trauma-informed focus, she ensures the best quality and most effective services for all Genesis families. Recognized as a leading expert on issues related to violence against women, Jordan also presents at conferences, conducts trainings across the country, and provides expert testimony on the dynamics of family violence in both criminal and family courts. Ruth and Jordan, welcome back to the podcast.

SPEAKER_02:

Thank you. Thanks for having us.

SPEAKER_01:

You are both clinical experts who work with survivors of domestic violence, and collectively you have many decades of experience in this work, much of it occurring at Genesis Women's Shelter and Support. And I know from both of you and your leadership at Genesis that while there is space for understanding domestic violence through a variety of lenses, there are also a few models or frameworks that are industry standards. And we have discussed some of these on this podcast over the years, but today we're going to get specific by breaking down the cycle of violence model, discussing what it is, where it came from, how it is applied to the work with survivors, and so on. So first, Jordan, we will start with you. Can you introduce the cycle of violence model and explain its origins?

SPEAKER_02:

Yeah, absolutely. It has been a standard sort of educational tool for many years in the field. So it was created in 1979 by a Dr. Lenore Walker. She did some research. She interviewed about 1,500 women who had experienced domestic violence and in hearing their experiences identified this sort of secular experience and behaviors from their abuser or dynamics with their abuser that she then called the cycle of violence. It's first cited in the book that she wrote in 1979 called The Battered Woman. And in it, she it uses it to describe, again, this sort of secular or patterned experience of abuse.

SPEAKER_01:

Yeah, it is a cyclical pattern, right? And so if you imagine what it might look like on a sheet of paper or on your screen, it would be three phases and they kind of go around with an arrow that travels them around. I'm just trying to give people the idea of like this actually is a diagram or an infographic that's used in the field of domestic violence. Now, Ruth, maybe you can break down the main phases that are in that infographic in the cycle of violence and how they manifest in abusive relationships.

SPEAKER_00:

Yeah, Maria, thank you. So um, like you said, there's three different phases of the cycle of violence, right? And usually in a relationship when it's going to be abusive, usually starts off like with a lot of love and maybe like some love bombing or this idea like he's coming in to rescue her. But then as it starts to become abusive, it goes into that first stage, which is or phase, which is the tension building phase, right? That's when he's coming home, he's angry, maybe he's slamming the door. You feel that tension rising. A lot of our clients will talk about in the tension building phase, she feels really like she's walking on eggshells, she has to be really careful, she has to do everything exactly perfectly to be able to maintain the peace so that he doesn't escalate, so that he doesn't get mad. Unfortunately, we know domestic violence abusers will escalate, right? And so that's something that we love about the cycle is that it talks about that escalation. And so it will go into that second phase, which is the violent episode. And during the violent episode, it could be any type of abuse. So it could be verbal, emotional, physical, sexual abuse. During that time, the woman, the survivor, is going to be in that fight, flight, or freeze mode and trying to be able to survive through the violence. And then that third phase is the honeymoon phase. I think this is where we are gonna be really picky about language because honeymoon phase sounds like it's really calm and it's nice. And actually, that's not what's happening. The honeymoon phase we like to call manipulative kindness. And that term was uh coined by Dr. Evan Stark and this idea that either he's now apologetic and he is bringing her flowers and I'm so sorry, I'm never gonna do this again, all these empty promises, right? And so he's saying all of the quote unquote right things to keep her there, to keep her in the relationship. But we know that what is he gaining from saying all of that? He's manipulating her into believing that he's gonna change or that things are gonna get better or that he really is sorry so that she stays, and that's how he entraps her into this relationship. The other type of a honeymoon phase could be where he is very, he doesn't acknowledge what's happened. He's gaslighting, like that's not how it happened, you know, you were drunk too, you don't remember it the right way, or you're being too s too sensitive, you're over-exaggerating. And so then it causes her to start to feel maybe some doubt about her own memory, her own judgment. It could cause some confusion. A lot of our clients will talk about how in that honeymoon phase or that manipulative kindness phase, she's confused. Like, how is it that last night he hit me and today he says he loves me? Or how is it that he did all these things, but now it's my fault and maybe I'm being too sensitive and maybe I'm expecting too much. And so there's a lot of confusion or doubt that's caused during that honeymoon phase. And like you said, like Jordan said, it's a cycle. And so it doesn't stop with that honeymoon phase. It goes back into the tension building phase and back into the abuse. And so it just keeps going in that cycle. For me, I think the two most important things to remember about the cycle of violence. Number one, violence escalates. So every time it's getting back to that violent episode phase, the violence is getting worse and worse. And over time it will increase into that physical abuse, sexual abuse. The other thing that I think is important about the cycle is that the honeymoon phase or the manipulative kindness phase starts to diminish. It starts to get smaller or shorter and shorter each time they go through that cycle. And so a lot of times women are getting to the that abusive episode quicker, faster, because the honeymoon phase is shorter and then it's getting worse. And so there's a lot of safety planning that goes into it. There's a lot of danger that could be happening each time she goes through that cycle.

SPEAKER_02:

I appreciated that you brought up the visualization, Maria, in the literal diagram that we use here at Genesis, we sort of liken it to weather patterns. So the tension building phase is sort of like the dark clouds are coming in. Stormy. Right. I'm from West Texas, and in West Texas, when a storm's coming, you can see it hours before it actually hits you. Like roll. So that's what I've imagined is looking out and seeing that it's coming and anticipating how bad is this gonna be? What's gonna happen? What should I do to stay safe? What can I do to stay ahead of this, right? And so a lot of times our clients say that they feel like they're walking on eggshells because they feel like the storm is coming, but they're not entirely sure what's happening. So that's that tension building, right? The violent episode would be the storm, right? Something's escalated. I really appreciated that Ruth pointed out that yes, we know violence, the violent episode is a time of physical and sexual abuse. It's also a time that could be escalated verbal abuse. So it's raging and screaming and threats and escalated verbal abuse. Sometimes people, when we're talking to them and we explain the violent episode, they might get a little bit hung up on, well, there hasn't been physical abuse in my relationship. So I haven't experienced a violent episode. And what we see is if there's a storm point, a point of escalation, that was the violent episode, right? And then on our diagram, the honeymoon phase, like Ruth was pointing out, it does sort of have this like sunshine picture, right? And I think that that could be really deceptive because this idea, like Ruth pointed out, it's not a time of calm, it's not a time of no abuse. I think it's more the eye of the storm, right? The time where everything chilled out for a second and the client or the survivor is left reeling from what happened and going, wait, what's going on? Is it gonna be okay? Is the storm over? Are we okay? And that would be the time of manipulative kindness. But just like that eye of the storm, unfortunately, the tension-building phase would happen again and we would experience those same weather patterns over and over and over.

SPEAKER_01:

Yeah, I think that's a really good analogy to help people understand what it could quote unquote look like. I want to go back to a couple things that both you and Ruth mentioned and talk about the language again. So maybe honeymoon phase, and it's just a thought, an idea, I'm not an expert like you are, is more indicative of the time when this model was created. Okay, this was in the 70s. We had like almost no language around domestic violence. And to her credit, Lenora Walker was talking about the battered woman. So this was a time that was really calling out battered women, and it was calling wife but wife beating and marital rape and those sorts of things bec really came into focus. And so if you think about it in that way and along those lines, maybe that's where honeymoon came from. It's just a guess. But I agree that we've really moved forward with identifying more specific language in the field of domestic violence to understand the whole picture of what's happening to survivors and what abusers are capable of. And that's where we kind of move into Evan Stark and his work with coercive control, which came a little bit later, so after the cycle of violence model was developed. And I would venture to say that manipulative kindness is just that precursor to coercive control. It just they align so well in definitions. Yeah, absolutely.

SPEAKER_02:

Ruth and I were talking about, as silly as this might sound, kind of liking it to the original use of like global warming to describe and how people got really hung up on the word warming, and then the argument became, well, it's cold outside. So we were like, okay, how do we name this better? Climate change change might be a better word. Yeah. We think it's the same kind of evolution of the cycle and how we're using it to educate survivors. The word honeymoon can be confusing, it can have some strange connotations with it or bring up some ideas, right? So we definitely lean into that manipulative kindness language.

SPEAKER_01:

Okay, so we've come a long way since the 70s and Dr. Walker's work. Let's talk about how the cycle of violence model evolved since its inception.

SPEAKER_00:

Well, I think that that's what we're talking about right now, right? Is that like maybe in the beginning it was very much this idea that things were calm and everything was better and there wasn't abuse. And then as we do more studying and we talk with more clients, we're able to see like, no, that's actually not what that's like. It it just is a different type of abuse. Maybe back in the 70s, verbal and emotional abuse or financial and spiritual abuse weren't necessarily identified, right? They weren't as well known. And now that we know all of these other nuanced types of tactics, it's now we're using, to your point, different language to be able to talk about, like, okay, so we're not gonna look at it from a black and white point of view. It doesn't mean that if a woman comes in and says, no, I've never experienced any type of calm, doesn't mean that the cycle is wrong. It just means that hers looks differently. And for me, that's where the evolution is is looking at how do you now apply the cycle of violence to each individual situation and how does that fit for her. I've sat across so many clients who tell me I don't have any honeymoon phase or any kindness, any manipulative kindness because I've been in the relationship so long that that is gone. And now it's just constant abuse. It's just constant berating and yelling at me or the silent treatment, but it's constant verbal and emotional abuse happening. And then every once in a while, something physical also. And so to me, that's kind of the evolution of just thinking about how we're better understanding what the cycle might look like.

SPEAKER_02:

I also think it's evolved with the field of domestic violence, right? As we've interacted with more and more survivors and heard more and more survivor experiences and what it was like for them, we've come to understand that there's not a checklist of abuse, right? There's not this sort of, if these things happen, then it is domestic violence. If they don't happen, then it isn't domestic violence. We're really aware of the fact that it's less about specific behaviors and more about what it was like for her. So it's important within these conversations, even within educating and teaching the cycle of violence, to say, what was this like for you? What did this feel like in your experience, or where did this start in your relationship? Where is it now? Because then we get to the point which we've said many times in this podcast, where any behavior could be abusive if it made her feel afraid, if it made her feel intimidated, and therefore it gained control over her from the abuser, right? If any behavior put her in a place of protection and giving sort of, you know, fawning, fight fighter freeze, like Ruth was saying, so that she could be safe, then that behavior is abusive, not because of what the specific behavior was, but because of its impact on her.

SPEAKER_01:

Right. And again, you know, back in 1979, we weren't talking about all of those dynamics within intimate partner relationships. And quite frankly, I doubt many women reported that type of abuse, quote unquote, because they may not even have acknowledged it. Oh, that's just him. That's just what he does when he gets mad. And so more than likely the cycle of violence was developed the way that it was developed just to fit the scenario that we were talking about at that time. But there are other models and we use many different models at Genesis. We use uh in whatever we need to do, right, to identify what's happening within each individual relationship because we treat clients on an individual, customized basis. So let's talk about comparative models to the cycle of violence. What are those, what are their strengths and limitations and how do they compare?

SPEAKER_02:

Probably the most commonly used comparative model is the power and control will. And it was created in 1981. So again, a little bit after the cycle of violence, but it was created through many conversations with many survivors, and it's one that's continued to expand and evolve through the years, too. Like we were saying, the power and control will is basically spokes of control. So, what are different tactics or different areas that an abuser might use to gain control and maintain control over a woman, over his victim? And so we have found that the power and control wheel and the cycle of violence actually go hand in hand with each other and work really well with each other. The power and control wheel, when I'm using it with my clients, I know Ruth, you have similar experience. The power and control wheel really helps my clients gain awareness and insight into what tactics were used against them and why it's gained control over them. Why does he have this control where he tells me what to do and without even questioning, I just feel like I have to do it, right? And so it really helps them gain insight into those specific ways in which he is being controlling. And then at the same time, the cycle of violence, we will talk about and process for her to gain insight and an awareness on where's that escalation of control? Where's the time where she may be not, she may, she's maybe not giving in as quickly as they would like and things are escalating or there may be a safety concern there. Where's a point where within the cycle, if we're identifying that violent episode, where's a point where he may be punishing her to assert that control again, right? I have clients sometimes who will identify through the power and control will a certain way that he's maintaining control and feel empowered to take that control back. Oftentimes what we'll see is that will then trigger an escalation of violence where he's going to try to regain control or maintain control. So having both conversations at the same time helps us to increase her insight on what's happening to her while also still talking about the safety concerns and the safety plan and how could you tell if he was escalating? Are there ways in which you notice when things are increasing? Are there safety things that we could do to try to increase your safety in this time, right? This would be the point in the podcast, which we say every single time we're here, where she can't stop him from escalating. She can't stop him from being abusive because abuse is his choice. But in utilizing her safety plan and in having more awareness in what times she might be able to use certain safety strategies and things, she can increase her safety.

SPEAKER_01:

I think it's important to just pause for a minute and point out that power and control wheel is not just a label slapped on this type of model. It's actually that power and control wheel came out of the Duluth model, and it what it points to is the what is at the root of all abusive behavior, which is power and control. So if you're within the wheel and the diagram that we have as a power and control wheel, that is the root cause of the behaviors that you see from an abusive partner.

SPEAKER_00:

And I think it's important to point out that an abusive relationship doesn't have to have experienced every single spoke in that power and control wheel, right? Like so you might only have experienced one partner. And that still is counted as being an abusive relationship. And so I like the power and control will that it is so expansive of talking about so many different types of abuse. And then just like Jordan is saying, it it's been so helpful for clients to be able to see the different tactics and then see the pattern inside of that cycle.

SPEAKER_01:

Absolutely. So let's talk about this in practice then. Can each of you share examples of how Genesis, Women's Shelter, and Support incorporates the cycle of violence into programs and services?

SPEAKER_00:

Yeah. So we do a lot of safety planning, you can imagine, with the women and children that we work with. And so our model is an empowerment model. And so wanting to help her be part of the conversation. So whenever we're teaching about the cycle of violence, it's not like a teacher where I'm just going to point this out to you and then like you have the information, but really it's more of a discussion. How do how does she experience each of those phases of the cycle? And then what are the safety plans that are going to work best for her or that she's already using and that she's already doing? Maybe she's done something and she said, Well, I thought that that was going to help me, but it actually made things worse. So then we talk about, okay, how do we adjust that type of a cycle? So again, being able to look at when she's noticing that he's escalating and the he's in that tension building phase and it's starting to get worse. What are things that she has found or that she wants to try to not again, like Jordan said, not control and make it so that he doesn't escalate? But can she decrease the risk of escalation? Can she maybe influence the situation so that he doesn't escalate or at least not as much as he might, right?

SPEAKER_02:

And we're always really careful in the language that we're using here because again, we always want to be sensitive to survivors who may be listening and may feel like we're saying that they should be doing something that they haven't been doing or that they and that's that's really not what we're saying. What we are trying to say is in any situation, identifying what part of it you could control or you could do is just a way to try to improve the situation in any small way that might be possible, right? And there's multiple safety plans. There could be safety plans for staying in the home, there could be safety plans for deciding to leave the abusive relationship and in the abusive relationship. There may be safety plans after the relationship is ended because we know that violence continues post-separation. And so again, what Ruth's saying is talking about her having awareness and insight into what point of the escalation process is he in at any of those times is a really important part of the client just being able to see what I could do, even in some small part, to try to be safer, to try to have some control over this very out-of-control situation. Trevor Burrus, Jr.: Yeah.

SPEAKER_01:

And just to like double back on that, survivors are the experts. They're the experts of their own experience. And so that's how at Genesis we kind of work with them using their experience to really inform how they can prepare a safety plan.

SPEAKER_00:

Right. So like an easy example to point to, right, is when she's saying like he texts me all day long, and sometimes it's just like, hi, how are you? And other times it's where are you and what are you doing and who are you with. And so we'll talk about, okay, if you don't answer his text message, if you just don't respond and you ignore it, what might happen? And if she says, oh, well, then he leaves me alone for a few hours and then he texts again, like that's gonna be her safety plan because she's seeing that he's not escalating. But if she says, oh, well, if I don't answer his text messages, then he starts calling. And then he's calling consistently, and then if I don't answer his phone calls, then he shows up to my house or he shows up to my work. Then we're talking about, okay, so maybe the safety plan is answering a phone call because that's gonna help him, it's gonna maybe stop him from coming to her house or to her job. And maybe that works for a little bit, and maybe sometimes it doesn't work. And so to Jordan's point, it's always evolving. That safety plan isn't like, okay, one and done, this is the plan. She needs to always be listening and watching for, okay, is this not working anymore?

SPEAKER_02:

And what Ruth and I can hear within this example or with her in her saying it is our clients are so smart and so resourceful and they have amazing instincts. They're aware, they just don't always know what to call it, or they don't know what exactly they're doing, right? A huge part of safety planning is just reinforcing what they're already doing in many ways because they're doing many things that are working. Again, it may not be stopping the abuse. It isn't stopping the abuse, but it is working. So within the example Ruth's giving you, she's he texts and says, Hey, how are you? She's instinctively aware of, oh, we're in the honeymoon phase because this is just like a chill text. Then when the text says, Where are you? This may be the tension building phase of it. She can kind of identify that this text is escalating. And then maybe there's a point she recognizes that if I don't text now in the tension building phase, it will escalate and become more violent, more aggressive, more um dangerous because then he's gonna call, he's gonna show up that kind of thing. So it's in talking about that escalation, that cycle within even the safety planning, that she becomes more aware and has more insight into the dynamics and what's going on.

SPEAKER_01:

Yeah, true. And there are patterns of abuse. I mean, she will start to identify his patterns just like he may be identifying hers, and how the moments when she's more vulnerable, like what is she doing that makes her more vulnerable?

SPEAKER_02:

And we feel like individualizing it and helping her have that moment to be aware of the fact that like she instinctively knew the cycle and was already safety planning within it, it's it can be really empowering for our clients, right? Our clients do experience a lot of shame in what they've been through and what they've gone through. So, in a lot of ways, when we can highlight and help them identify, but even within this really difficult situation, you've been so smart to take care of yourself in this way. Your instincts were on point because you knew this was an escalation and you were already doing these things. Our hope is that that really combats that shame in certain ways and helps empower them to do maybe even more steps to increase their safety.

SPEAKER_01:

So, are there any adaptations for different cultures or communities within this approach?

SPEAKER_02:

I think that's a really important question, Maria, especially because what we always want to highlight on this podcast is the importance of individualizing our work with the client in front of us and what are her experience and her needs. To be really honest with you, in our experience, the adaptations for different cultural backgrounds, different areas of diversity really are found within using the power and control wheel alongside the cycle of violence. So the power and control wheel has actually been adapted multiple times since 1981 to include, again, more and more identified tactics of abuse, tactics of control. So, for example, there is an immigration wheel that's been created to really highlight for those clients that have immigrated into our country how their immigration status may be used against them. There's an LGBTQ plus wheel to identify what are the tactics or the ways in which there should be specific considerations of areas of control there. There's a spiritual abuse wheel. There is a senior abuse wheel to consider how what abusive tactics may be used with elderly women. So I think it this in answer to your question, I think this is probably a really important example of somebody working in this field having more than one tool that they're using at the same time collectively, right? Because talking about diversity, looking at the diverse and specific considerations of our client in front of us is always important. I don't, in my experience, the cycle of violence specifically doesn't talk about the tactics. It talks about, like Ruth and I have said, that dynamic of escalation. So if we were using the power and control wheel and the cycle of violence at the same time, I would talk to my clients about their specific tactics used in their individual relationship and their individual situation and background and demographic with the power and control wheel. And then I'd say, okay, and how do we look at ways in which there's an escalation point or there is the risk of escalation for your safety plan and use those hand in hand.

SPEAKER_01:

There are a lot of positive attributes and applications for the cycle of violence and the power and control wheel. But let's talk about the challenges or misconceptions when using that, say in community or clinical settings.

SPEAKER_00:

Yeah, I think for me, one of the challenges might be, again, that misunderstanding of what the honeymoon phase means or what it what is there. You know, community members, friends, family, professional helpers, if they are looking at it in a very black and white that the honeymoon phase means there's no abuse, then they're going to miss identifying when abuse is actually happening. And it could also create this idea for the survivor that, oh, well, I don't have any type of calm. And so maybe what I'm experiencing isn't abuse or isn't what they're talking about. And so for me, maybe that challenge, well, that invitation to others would be to reframe how you think about that and recognize that manipulative kindness is what's happening when it seems like he's being nice, or maybe we talk about social engineering in this moment, right? And so it looks like he's being nice and he's being sweet. And just because on the outside to somebody else, it looks like, oh, he's opening the door and he's always taking her on dinner dates or whatever. And therefore, maybe that causes someone else to not necessarily believe her when she discloses that there's abuse. If you have a real understanding of the cycle of violence, you can understand, oh, that might just be putting on a facade and I don't really know what's happening. So when she discloses to me that he's being abusive, even if I know him, I'm still going to believe her because I know that I don't know everything that's happening in that relationship.

SPEAKER_01:

Yeah, a hundred percent. I have long believed, even before being in this space, that the only two people who know really what's happening in an intimate partner relationship are the two people who are in it. Everyone else is seeing a version of it that may be put on for friends or family or depending on the moment in time, but really it's only those two people who understand the dynamic.

SPEAKER_02:

The other thing that comes up for me, wondering what you guys think about this, is I just can't help but also think about like long-term versus short-term work with a client here. I can't help but in this moment just really want to emphasize this is why Ruth and I believe that clinical work, so counseling, is so important for survivors to be able to experience, right? In a lot of agencies and in a lot of spaces, the work that they're providing the survivor is very present-focused, right? So we're trying to get her a legal order right now, we're trying to get her housing right now. And because of that, we're really focused on the current safety, the current cycle, the current dynamics, right? And I just can't help but point out that when somebody has come in and said, I don't experience the honeymoon phase anymore, when we can sort of float back and say, Well, tell me about the beginning of your relationship. Tell me how you met, tell me what it was like for you. A lot of times what Ruth and I can hear is there was love bombing within that first part of what would have been the honeymoon phase, if you will. There was a honeymoon phase in the beginning. And so giving her the chance to process that, to really maybe be able to identify it, maybe even grieve it, right? Grieve that that's how she was manipulated into these dynamics of a control, right? A lot of times our clients feel like they turn around one day and go, shit, how did I get here? And so being able to process that experience of how did you get here? Oh, it's because there was manipulative kindness from the get-go. What was that like for you? What's been the impact of you? That sort of like past work and being able to grieve and identify and understand, it's really important for our clients to be able to heal and it can really help them identify this is the way that this relationship has really impacted me. And so I want to work on certain relationship dynamics for healthy relationships in the future, for example. So I think one of the things that can happen within the cycle of violence is getting too short-sighted, getting short too short-term and thinking about the cycle only as it is right now in the relationship, and maybe losing the opportunity to process and have clinical work, therapeutic work on what's it been like in the past.

SPEAKER_01:

Yeah, I think that's a very valid point about the way it can be challenging or misconceptions of the cycle and how it's used.

SPEAKER_00:

Yeah, I was just gonna add also, and Jordan said this already, but I just think it's so important. So I'm gonna reiterate when you're working with a survivor and looking at the cycle of violence, it's just also imperative to recognize that the violent episode phase includes all the different types of abuse. It's not just physical violence or sexual violence, right? It's that emotional abuse that we don't use the word emotional violence. And so I think sometimes people can get caught up on that, right? It's the spiritual abuse, it's the emotional abuse, and so it's the financial abuse. And that I think when you're teaching the cycle of violence or you're understanding the cycle of violence, really giving space for it. The violent episode might not look like it's violent, but what is that causing her? Is it causing her to feel fearful? Is it causing her to feel scared, to feel manipulated? That's when you see, okay, that's what's happening in that moment.

SPEAKER_01:

Yeah, for sure. Words can be as uh terrorizing as actions at times. And so we s it's great that we point out to people and helps to validate what they may be experiencing. Do you have any thoughts on the future of intervention models evolving to better address the complexities of abuse and support survivors?

SPEAKER_02:

I think my thoughts are is that we just want to continue to increase and hear from survivor experiences. We just want to continue to be able to identify, you know, within any of the models or any of the things, how do we individualize this better? How do we take into consideration what survivors are saying they're going through? How are there things within our society, within our current laws, within our current city structures and dynamics that he is taking and using as an abusive tactic? And so how do we hear that and continue to involve these models to say, you know, she could have experienced this and this could have been abusive because it made her feel intimidated and afraid.

SPEAKER_00:

Yeah. You know what I'm thinking when the cycle of violence first came out, the first phase is tension, the second phase is a violent episode, and the third phase is that honeymoon phase, right? We at Genesis tend to change that a little bit and say that the honeymoon phase is like the first phase. And so I'm just thinking of that future interventions really being able to maybe widely accept that it does start off with that love bombing, that honeymoon, and maybe even on our handouts, changing the numbering. Maybe just as simple as that might really help clients identify. You know, we get a lot of women who are out of the abusive relationship and maybe starting to date again and wanting to go into new relationships and asking us, what are the red flags? How do I know before it gets bad that it could get bad or that it will get bad? And of course, we're not future, you know, we can't like see into the future, but really being able to help her see we're not we're right now in the beginning of a relationship, we're not looking for the tension building. We're looking at what's happening in the honeymoon phase or that minimipulative kindness to let you know it's going to get there. So that's my thought of how we could continue to evolve.

SPEAKER_01:

Yeah, that's a great idea. Before I let you go, what advice would you offer to listeners who may be experiencing or witnessing the cycle of violence in their own lives or communities?

SPEAKER_02:

Well, I think our first concern would be what Ruth has really highlighted in explaining the cycle, and that's that abuse does escalate. And so no matter where somebody is and experiencing different tactics of abuse, our concern is that things would escalate and become more and more aggressive, more and more violent. And so we would want the opportunity to talk to this person and safety plan and really identify what are the risk factors here and be able to provide information so that this person could increase their safety. We do talk to a lot of women who say, Well, I'm not experiencing any physical violence, so I don't think I'm I don't think I need services or I don't think I qualify for your services. It's not bad enough. Other people need it more. And we would say, no, you absolutely qualify for our services. We absolutely want to take the time to hear from you and your individualized situation and your individualized needs because our concern is that things could escalate and become more dangerous for you. And then outside of that, also just because whatever you're currently going through, you don't deserve to go experience, you don't deserve to be treated this way. It's not okay what's happening to you.

SPEAKER_01:

And I I would add to that too, it's fine to reflect on your experience and think about how the cycle of violence might apply, but you're not alone because there are so many of us working in the community across the country and around the world to support survivors of intimate partner violence, sexual violence, gender-based crimes. So please don't think that you're alone in trying to interpret your experience. Even if you didn't want to come in for services, you can call Genesis and talk to someone on our helpline. You can even text our helpline. And just for reference, that number is 214-946 HELP. 214-946-4357.

SPEAKER_00:

I think also I just want to point out that if you do call or text our hotline, you're not expected to be wanting to leave the relationship, right? Like I just think it's important to see like if you haven't decided whether like you haven't decided whether you want to stay in the relationship or not, calling us doesn't mean you're leaving. Calling us just means getting support, getting safety planning, getting ideas, knowing you're and you can receive our services when you're deciding to stay in a relationship as well.

SPEAKER_01:

Absolutely. That's a great point. Ruth and Jordan, this has been so interesting and informative and helpful, and I thank you for being on the show. Thanks for having us. Genesis Women's Shelter and Support exists to give women in abusive situations a way out. We are committed to our mission of providing safety, shelter, and support for women and children who have experienced domestic violence and to raise awareness regarding its cause, prevalence, and impact. Join us in creating a societal shift on how people think about domestic violence. You can learn more at GenesisShelter.org. And when you follow us on social media, on Facebook and Instagram at Genesis Women's Shelter, and on X at Genesis Shelter. The Genesis Helpline is available 24 hours a day, seven days a week, by call or text at 214 946 HELP. 214 946 435. Five seven.